now

last night i attended a celebration and send off for a dear friend. celebrating her engagement and a new chapter in her life as we said farewell for now as she is moving to europe.

i noticed a lot about myself while i was there - noticing that i enjoyed talking with the guys and felt comfortable with them. noticed that their compliments on my looks felt more like i would imagine it would for straight girls when their friends compliment them.

i noticed how much more comfortable i am with me and how much more at home i am. i noticed how confident i am even around people who have emotionally hurt me.

i noticed i like me. a lot.

recently, a friend told me that the thing that sticks out the most in our friendship is that i have taught her about love - what it means to love unconditionally and to love the outcast and people who are different. i'm still blown away to know i am living my purpose now. i don't have to wait.

i am starting to get nervous about closing one chapter of my life and starting another. there is so much potential and quite a few appealing options. i even have the ability to come out and be out. no more secrets. no more hiding.

as i am looking to the future though, i am trying to be present and not worry. the more me i am the better my relationships are and the better chance i have for love. seems simple, but it's been a challenge i am doing everything in my power to rise to and win - from alternative medicine to exercise to therapy to not letting my past hurts and the opinions of others get in my way. i am burning away my insecurities and being me now instead of later.

i read a quote by anne frank which i found in the form of a bumpersticker for my truck...

"how wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

now.

and i am and i am seeing it.

it's all coming down to love.

i was catching up with a lifelong friend yesterday, and during our conversation i said i wasn't sure what i thought about absolute truth and multiple truths... but that there are a few absolute truths i believe in for sure...

and the ultimate truth is love.

it was true. it will be true.

it is true now.

may we all live in the truth of love.