kettle

it was about a week or two ago.

my partner and i had to run to the store to get a few things. it was pretty cold out, and i was ready to hurry inside from the car.

she said, "wait just a minute."

then i watched as she started rummaging through the car, looking for all the change that she could find. from cup holders and trays. digging in her pockets. after she had a handful, she said, "ok." then we walked toward the store entrance.

i had recently read articles on the red kettle, about how the salvation army discriminates against lgbt people, people like me, and like her. but i stayed silent. on the way to the door, she says to me, "did you know that the salvation army hires people who stay in their shelters to ring the bells and collect money in the kettles?"

i said, "no. i didn't know that."

then i reached in my wallet and emptied my change as well.

i looked at the man ringing the bell. in the eyes. there was pain in them. but still some hope. some kindness. some desperation. he wished us a merry christmas. we wished him one, too.

my mom works retail. there's a bell ringer that is posted outside her store. my mom told me a story about her. i cried.

my mom made a comment, "that's who we should be buying christmas gifts for. people like her."

amen.

i recently have seen a lot of articles about boycotting chik-fil-a. because of how funds have been distributed to organizations which campaign against gay people, or even organizations that try to change someone's orientation. many many people are giving up their chicken sandwiches or finding other places to get them.

the other night, i sat on the couch with d and we talked about the boycotts. to both the restaurant and the nonprofit. we came to the same conclusion: it isn't the same.

and this is where i break with a large number of friends and organizations and leaders i normally agree with.

when i don't buy food from a business because i think they support hate and discrimination, i am affecting shareholders, ceo's, i.e. people making profit.

however, when i don't donate to a nonprofit because they won't serve or hire people like me, i stand up for my rights and the rights of lgbt families who need assistance, but at the cost of looking that man or that woman who i mentioned earlier in the eye and theoretically saying, no. i refuse to help you because i don't think that the nonprofit that helps you is fair.

i've read articles that say to give your money to other groups. that do more good because they don't discriminate.

i think giving is wonderful.

i think giving to the salvation army is wonderful, too.

i think there has to be another way.

we as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people hate it when we are treated like "an issue."

dear friends, giving to a nonprofit that does some good by helping real people is not an issue. one article called for not supporting homeless centers that discriminate against gay people... it makes me angry and sad and disgusted.

i'm angry, sad, and disgusted that someone would refuse someone like me shelter.

i'm angry, sad, and disgusted at the notion that people who believe differently than me are not worthy of my love and my money and my time and my resources.

it's a lie.

it's another lie meant to divide us.

it's another way to keep us from true reconciliation.

we have to be different.
we have to evoke change in peaceful, loving, life giving ways.

if love will win,
and i believe it will,

we must respond with incredible incredible love.

might we not change hearts and minds through authentic relationship, continual presence and with extravagant giving and generosity?

what if we get more involved with our respective communities' homeless programs and work to encourage welcoming and helping policies? what if the gay christian community stopped telling people to boycott giving and started asking the welcoming church to plea for assisting everyone, and also to start creating alternatives when their pleas fall on deaf ears?

we have to be more creative. find a way to live creatively together. to love.

i'm not pretending this is an easy one.

but i'm not going to pretend that this is black and white, cut and dry.

it isn't.

the truth is that we can't afford to not give. our money, our time, our resources.

we do need to give to accepting organizations which will help everyone. but in doing so, we do not need to slander an organization that is actually doing good.

friends, love. love everyone. pray for the salvation army. pray for the bell ringer. pray for the homeless, both gay and straight. help in any way you can. whether it's the red kettle or another avenue.

but, please...
i beg you...

do it all in love.