headdress

i have so much to say this morning. so much has been happening.

in ways great and small.
in private sacred moments with one other.
in public sacred moments with many.

i have been thinking about shame, and pride.
the pride that, as the avett brothers sing, is the good kind,
not the kind in the bible that makes you bad.

and i've been thinking about that good kind of pride and it's opposition to shame.
and that third factor which enables pride to overcome shame,
enables us to see ourselves as we are seen by God:

love.

i am reading brennan manning's abba's child, and there is much he says and quotes about false selves and about being our true selves before God.

our ordinary,
beloved selves.

there is, of course, another dimension to this realization of love:
extending it.

i was met with such great love and affectionate holding arms when i told my beloved fiance the things that i am most afraid and ashamed of. she didn't push me away. she pulled me closer in a beautiful and incredibly healing embrace. something fell off of me and broke in that moment. something dark and heavy. and now i feel lighter, freer and more connected.

inspired.

love overcame shame. and i am proud of the love and healing. proud of our relationship. proud of her Christ-likeness as she spills out his love through her heart. proud of Christ and of his great challenge to us to love, really love.

this past weekend, i also attended my first ever gay pride festival. it was very small. about 1100 people total came through on sunday. there were so many families with kids. it was incredibly encouraging.

small town gay pride reflects a silent majority. we aren't the stereotypes. no one was walking around naked or barely clothed. no one was doing anything obscene. it was mostly quiet and peaceful.

just a bunch of people, gathering, even though we were mostly disjointed, sharing a common solidarity. seeking acceptance and love for our homes, our families.

to be honest, it was kind of boring sometimes.

boring, and so normal.

of course, it wasn't perfect. or all sacred. there was the profane co-existing with the sacred as it is in all of life...

there were things said and sung that i didn't like. just like when i turn on the radio to any mainstream station and even christian stations and hear songs about objectifying others, objectifying the Church, seeking temporal things: like power, money, a good time, a temporary "encounter" of the sexual or spiritual kind. empty songs. sung by the seeking that have not yet found grace and love. real love.

what surpised me the most was the feelings i had during the last event which took place at night. a big show in the outdoor plaza downtown where everything else had taken place... a drag show.

i had never seen a drag show, and honestly i had a lot of unsure feelings about it and some prejudgments about the whole concept of drag.

i do not like objectification of people. i do not like seeing people's bodies on display. i hate the pornography industry and anything dealing with the sex trade. that said, this is not what the show i saw on saturday night was.

i saw something beautiful, and it caught me off guard so badly that i cried.

there was one moment in particular that moved me, and i still tear up talking about it. one of the earlier performers was a popular drag queen in the local community. i had heard stories about her and how much people like her, so i was curious.

when she entered the stage, she had on a brightly colored outfit that included what i have labeled as the most beautiful piece of pride attire i have ever seen. it was an elaborate and expansive rainbow headdress.

yellow, blue, green, orange, red, and purple shook and shimmered.

it was like someone was screaming, "i am beautiful, and i am loved, and so are you!" everytime a feather waved in the air.

it spoke to me. it spoke for me.

it sang my song of finding love and freedom and grace and of reconciling my faith, my relationships, my journey, and my true self all into one me. the me i was made to be.

it was a crown of pride.
the good kind of pride.

the kind that inspires hope.
and loving.
and reconciling.
and writing this, today.
sharing.
with you.

may you find your pride.
and wear that love on your sleeves, your feet, your head, your hands.
and share it. wherever you may go.

may it sing a song of finding grace and love,
with every move you make.
may it comfort the broken and challenge the false,
and may it inspire hope, loving, reconciling, writing, sharing,
and more singing.