i have not been blogging.
i would say that it is because i have been trying to focus my writing energy on other projects - namely, trying to write the book i have been working on for some time. and that i have been writing more songs. that i have been wrapped up in my new life with my wife, and enjoying our engagement, and now our marriage.
i would say that i have been focusing on more real-life interactions, relationships, and simple pleasures i enjoy like gardening, cooking, and reading good books. that i have been using less technology.
if i said all these things, and said that was the reason - i would be lying.
i have been trying all of these things: writing, focusing on relationships, trying to enjoy the simple pleasures... my marriage has been beautiful and wonderful so far.
the truth is i have been struggling, and have been lost in a darkness that is so dark, so sinister, so utterly life-killing that i cannot describe it.
the pain of children.
children who have been abandoned, abused, neglected.
poverty.
not enough food to go around, malnutrition, cold trailers in the winter and ovens they live in during summer.
roaches. crawling, scattering, everywhere. causing a special stink from their infestations.
cigarette smoke so thick that the ash is buried deep in the walls, in the carpet, in my lungs after sitting there listening.
aggressive dogs.
houses that look abandoned.
families that hurl homophobic and racial slurs at each other as a joke. to their kids.
children crying because they want to live with their parents.
who are in prison.
burned out social workers who don't even know the kids' names. when the child is sitting with them after i called to make a report.
children who do not believe in anything good. because that isn't their reality so far in life.
the absence of hope.
i've been here for over a year. and now, as i am leaving this job, i have something to say. in a more complete way than i have been able to utter. for i have been disabled and crippled mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically by what i have experienced, even though i got to go home to a wonderful spouse, a clean home, food, and comfort every night.
church,
it
has
to
STOP.
child abuse.
it is real.
it is disgustingly rampant.
we are not equipped.
human beings are not designed to deal with this pain. the burn out rate is high. the use of alcohol and other means to escape is common. because we are not designed to deal with this pain.
because we are not designed to hurt each other.
especially our children.
and to deal with the aftermath is soul-damaging.
i have wounds i am unsure will ever heal.
and
it didn't happen to me.
i have friends who have been abused.
i have worked with college age young adults who were abused as children.
it was painful to hear their stories.
but there is something about hearing the voice of a child tell stories of pain, heartache, and loss.
something about the tears and brokenness of children.
something that is both beyond words and conjures emotion laden explicative vocabulary.
what is to be done?
we have
to prevent it.
Church,
break the silence.
make this a priority.
start talking
and acting.
stop being known to the world as anti-gay and too political.
and let's begin to be known for what we should be known for
for justice
for love
for everyone
our children.
government officials,
where is your voice?
news and media:
why the silence?
human trafficking and making soldiers out of children is horrific child abuse, and it has to stop.
but i am afraid that those issues are in some weird way "glammed up."
it's "cool" to fight for those causes, and popular. and don't get me wrong - they need to be causes we whole heartedly join the fight in.
but we cannot neglect the children here at home who are subject to torment, torture, rape, mind control, and other things which i cannot utter.
as a gay woman, i am appalled when i hear people talk about "protecting the family" from people like me.
you want to know what is destroying families? what is really making families fall apart?
it is a lack of real relationship with one another.
it is the practice of being consumed by the media and technology and being separate from one another and from nature.
it is the selfishness and idea that we should just do what makes us happy and not what would make us flourish.
it is substance abuse, and poverty and domestic violence.
it is a lack of true community and support and a lack of education for people who need it most.
it is greed on the part of us who have more than we should.
it is the culture of having more stuff, which makes us have less of what is most real.
it is a lack of true and undefiled religion and a surplus of non-sense, flash and pomp.
it is a deficit of the pursuit for truth and beauty.
we sing jesus saves and that all things are made new
well,
Christ save us
from this superficial life and the ignorance we have all embraced, and help us to make things new for the abused children, the poor, the outcast, the immigrant.
help us to fight for what we really should be fighting for, to support one another, to be more giving and to be more aware even though it hurts.
help us to pursue what is good, noble, holy, and pure.
Christ,
save us.
so what am i to do?
i am just one person.
but i know a lot of people.
and i will start talking. to start acting. whether it is writing my pastor, my senators, congressional reps, and governor and pleading with them to do something. or talking to friends.
whatever it may be,
let's join together friends.
and make it
STOP.
