recent events have truly shaken me.
i have been feeling the brunt of being different and being silenced for it...
and i keep hearing and seeing more hatred, discrimination, and failure to love people like me...
lesbian friends telling me about their suffering. straight friends telling me about the discrimination they are seeing. outspoken allies taking heat for speaking out...
it is so hard not to feel alone during these times. few people understand. one friend even told me that not everyone has to agree with me... well this isn't about agreement. it's about love. and i don't feel loved when i hear that i am less than, and especially not when i am shown that.
my heart hurts. and this kind of ache echoes the deep sorrow within my soul. the loneliness. the pain of not being known. the weight of the prison cell and the coldness therein.
i have been crying nearly everyday for about a week now. crying because i am wounded. but crying for more than that as well.
yet,
i still hold firm that i am worthy of love. no matter what other people say or do. i am worthy of love, just the way i am. and i am no less - no matter if my feelings tell me otherwise... i know the truth. i am made of and named love.
even when i can't hear it. see it. or feel it.
even when i am hated. scorned. or ignored.
i am and always will be loved.
that is the truth. even though this pain suggests otherwise.
i choose to believe in love.
i hope you can hold on dear one. i truly believe you are an amazing vessel of god's love and i wonder how god will move you in this world. i pray for hands and hearts to envelope you to remind you of god's love for you so that you might learn how to dance in the love rather than dodge acts and words of aggression and unmitigating non-peace. hang in there dear one.
ReplyDeletethank you, audrey. you encourage my heart - even when it's broken... a true co-journeyer. thank you for such a beautiful prayer and for the reminder. and for the encouragement to dance. little did you know that the word "dance" has been a theme spoken to me over and over of late and from various sources and delivered in various forms. may i learn to dance in love.
ReplyDelete