letter

i have a somewhat heavy heart as i am leaving a place i have called home since the summer of 2005, and a community i have been part of since the fall of 2005, and another community i have been part of since the spring of 2006.

though i am not severing the relationships i have built with so many wonderful people, there is a change which is occurring as i am cluing more and more people into who i really am and am hiding less and less.

for the most part, it has been wonderful and healing to feel free to be me and impact others by being myself.

however, there is still a sting which i must voice. and direct to a specific community i belong to. my alma mater and former employer. a place that prides itself on being a family. and so, an open letter to them (you):

dear lee university family,

i first came to you in the fall of 2005, excited to finally be part of a school which i had dreamt of coming to as an adolescent. though i was 24, and older than most students, i found relationships and excitement and love of learning from the very first week of attending class.

throughout my experience with you as both an undergraduate and then graduate student and then later as an employee, i was challenged to grow and supported in my academic, faith, and relational pursuits. i have never felt so valued and encouraged and affirmed for who i am... except for one part of me which i had to hide so much that it nearly cost me everything...

i am gay.

lee family, most of you only knew a part of me. i apologize for not telling you sooner, but you must understand the fear and the silencing that i endured. you must understand the pain i felt as many of you made ignorant statements, abrasive and offensive jokes, and some of you even directed hate speech at me, driving by me and yelling "fucking lesbian" or "dyke" as i was walking on campus.

i am not alone. whether you want to admit it, see it, realize it, and do anything about it or not, the campus you claim is a place where Christ is King is a place where people like me are often rejected, ignored, silenced and even abused. a place where we have had to search out for pockets of safety and often forced to navigate that alone as there is no formal support for those of us who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered. a place where people like me live in fear of being kicked out of school, hated, and fear being alone. but we are alone. and the face of Christ is tarnished by a film of disdain and disgust which the face of our Lord and Savior does not actually bare.

we have all been robbed. robbed of the chance to get to know one another more fully. but who is the thief? is the thief fear? your fear or mine? is the thief oppression? is the thief ignorance? is it policy that committed the crime? maybe it was a group of bandits.

because of the seemingly uncrossable distance... the silencing, the lack of feeling free to be open, the lack of the ability to be open... you miss out. you miss out on knowing some very wonderful people and celebrating some very beautiful relationships and families. you miss out on supporting us and cheering us on and being part of our lives in a meaningful way.

you miss us.

we miss out. we feel a deep sadness when we see the support that straight couples receive on campus and by administration, staff, and faculty and know that there are often not even crumbs falling from the table for us. we miss you knowing us fully. we miss you knowing us as couples and families and so miss your cheering. we also miss being able to pour into you by inspiring love with our own love. by supporting you as couples and families who would love to be active, giving members of our family at lee.

we miss you.

we all miss out.

and surely, this is not the community Christ wants. this pomp and circumstance show. this "you and you but not you are welcome," this "well, you can stay if you try to change or if you don't act on it," this us and them. the scapegoating. the blame. the fear. the lack of love.

i have great hope for you, lee. i have hope that more and more the people who are loving and supportive will outweigh the people who aren't. that one day, a young lesbian will come to that school and not live in constant fear while she is part of our lee family.

i have hope that you will see us. your children. your gay children, who you have treated and labeled as black sheep. and that you will come to value and love and appreciate all that we have to offer. that you will say to us,

"baa baa black sheep"
(come here, dearly loved ones)
"have you any wool?"
(you are so valued for who you are and the gifts and personality and love you have. will you share it?)

and we will say to you,

"yes sir, yes sir, 3 bags full"
(here we are, all of us.)
"one for the master, one for the dame, one for little boy who lives down the lane."
(we will give to the Lord, we will give and share with you, and we will walk with you, hand in hand, and work for justice together.)

may it be so.

sincerely,
charity