lift

love lifted me

up where i belong

away from the darkness and depths

out of the black waters i was drowning in

when nothing else could help

an unspoken assurance that things will not always be this way

the pain and ache throughout my limbs melted away at the touch of another, funny how a hug can do more and say more for me than any amount of words

kind eyes that see me and see the best in me

laughter

invitation

simplicity in just living side by side

groceries, chacos, smiling

love

lifted me.

thank you.

i hope love lifts you, the reader, too. and may you go on lifting.

and to you, the lifter, may this love carry you too. always.

glimpse

i caught a glimpse

of real love.

pure, mind boggling, it's really ok love.

despite our differences.

despite being on a different page.

love.

and i have hope for seeing more.

this love is healing and freeing and i was honored to receive it 3 times over.

twice from total strangers who i had the priviledge to truly meet.

once from someone close to me who i had the priviledge of being completely open with.

this glimpse should stay with me.

i'll do whatever i can to make sure it does and that i replicate it.

i hope that you can catch a glimpse too.

intensity

sometimes the intensity of it all comes crashing in like a strong wave on shore.

the intensity of being different.
the intensity of being an agent of change.

the intensity of trying to sort through relationships.
the intensity of loving someone beyond reach.

the intensity of seeing the world differently.
the intensity of expressing it.

i feel, more than anything today, the intensity.

i am unsure of what to do with this intensity, other than penning songs and posting blogs. i have to keep my mouth shut. like a closet within a closet. a secret room of the soul.

the intensity of dreaming about someone.
the intensity of dreaming she says "i love you"...

the intensity of holding it in.
the intensity of doing what seems like the right thing.

surely, we have all felt it, breathed it, tasted it. gay, straight, or somewhere in between or other.

the intensity of grace.
the intensity of unconditional love.

surely, it is here for us all. free. yet costly.

the intensity of a life lived in love.

Shaping

a poem i wrote a few years ago, that still rings true...

Shaping

Broken… past all hopes of repair
Broken… pieces taken til I’m naked and bare
Broken… my insides seeping out of me
Broken… so I can become who I am to be

Spinning… out of control I seem to whirl
Spinning… reflections of a woman and then of a girl
Spinning…my mind like a movie reel
Spinning… round and round on the Potter’s wheel

Molding… a lump, a shapeless form
Molding… through rain, through wind, through storm
Molding… words spoken. fragments fall into place
Molding… what was broken has now found grace

worthy of love

it's a beautiful day.

and i am one with e.e. cummings' line, "i who have died am alive again today"

i've been sitting in a big comfy chair drinking coffee and admiring the azure sky, and there is a purring cat in my lap, keeping me company. but out of all the cats in my house, he's the one i often least desire to cuddle with... he's huge. and so are his claws and teeth. he's often mean to the other cats, and sometimes to people. and he drools. a lot.

but today, on this beautiful morning, i got over it. i've been petting him and connecting with this seemingly unlovable cat, and connecting with his unfortunate situation.

he can't help it if he drools. he can't help his size. and we think he was abused, which causes him to lash out when he's frightened.

he needs love and care.

like so many of us.

like those of us who feel backed into a corner. those of us who have enormous problems. those of us who wonder if we disgust others.

call me a fool. but i became tearful when i looked into the cat's eyes and realized we aren't so different.

and he is worthy of my love.

and so are my accusers. my enemies. those who hurt me. those who disgust me.

and i am worthy of their love.

"i thank you God for most this amazing day" (e.e. cummings)

spring

thinking about spring...

how it means new life, beginnings, and the budding of beauty that has lain dormant for some time.

it is a comforting thought, to think of the warmth in the midst of such a bitterly cold day

and to think of green in the midst of grey and brown.

and to think of love and dancing in the midst of loneliness and sorrow.

and to think of giving in the midst of want...

need each other

this post has been a long time coming.

what of those who have to hide? who feel ostracized? the forgotten? the outcast?

i've sat down and had some heart to hearts with several wonderful people the past few days and have discovered something to be truer than i had originally thought:

we need each other.

i can't do this alone. neither can they. nor can other lesbian and gay people. we can't do this alone.

when we don't have the support of those around us, we lose something. something special. something spiritual. something essential.

when straight people separate themselves, they lose something. something special. something spiritual. something essential.

to those who aren't accepting, we cry: please. don't make us go it alone. you need us too.

we all need each other.

we can't keep avoiding it. can't pretend anymore.

we all are worthy of love, and not one of us more than another.

we need each other. then healing can come.